Hi all.
As per my last post, I have been working on a screenplay of THE UNDERCOVER AGENT and pitching it to Producers, Agents, Managers et el in the Entertainment Industry. Feedback has been good, positive and constructive, leading to some changes to the original story to make it more Cinema Audience Friendly.
I am only making those changes I agree with/ like and maintain the original feel of the story I wrote but I wanted to share this one change, which I like, to see whether you feel I should update the novel with it.
Here we go. Let me know what you think.
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Category: Feature Genre: Tweens/Teens/Family/Mystery/Suspense
Tagline: Prove parents aren’t traitors. Learn spy craft. Understand girls.
Logline : Naïve and totally unprepared, Quentin James is taken from the only life he knows and placed within a School for Young Spies where he must unmask the Undercover Agent and crack the code of the encrypted message to prove the innocence of his parents.
INT.EDGEWATER, QUENTIN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Quentin opens his eyes & sighs.
He pushes off his covers as he sits up.
QUENTIN
One flash, one flash.
EXT. THE TOWER - NIGHT
Quentin approaches the tower through the trees.
He study’s the tower for several seconds before entering.
INT. THE TOWER - A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Inside it is dark & silent. Quentin looks up the stairs, before moving beneath the stairs where it is darkest.
The loud snap of a branch underfoot sends Quentin deeper into the shadows.
The doorway darkens as Miss Magenta enters.
MISS MAGENTA
Stop pushing. I’m just catching my breath.
TIM
Don’t block the door then.
Tim squeezes passed Miss Magenta.
Unseen, the submarine captain descends the stairs.
CAPTAIN
Quiet!
Quentin looks up as footsteps sound above him.
CAPTAIN
You took your time.
TIM
We had to be sure everyone was asleep.
MISS MAGENTA
And Macpherson’s guards are all over the place now they know about the boy.
TIM
Hey, I’m right here you know.
Miss Magenta sniffs.
CAPTAIN
So three flashes, your mission has been accomplished?
TIM
Yep. The message has been delivered.
CAPTAIN
We have new orders.
MISS MAGENTA
I don’t want to stay here any longer.
TIM
Hitting the boy was a mistake. It brought attention to you & to the mission.
MISS MAGENTA
Don’t lecture me, boy! I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive.
TIM
Tell me I’m wrong.
CAPTAIN
He’s not wrong & Mr Cole is very unhappy you struck one of the pupils, now quieten down the pair of you.
TIM
You mentioned new orders. What’s the mission?
CAPTAIN
The boss wants Quentin.
MISS MAGENTA
Why?
CAPTAIN
Mr Cole didn’t say.
TIM
You won’t get Quentin alone. The others stick to him like glue.
MISS MAGENTA
That’s how we get him. Grab one and Quentin will come running.
TIM
As bait you mean?
MISS MAGENTA
I do
TIM
Which one?
MISS MAGENTA
I do. What about Zackery? He’s an oaf, more a bully. I don’t like that about him.
TIM
Seriously?
MISS MAGENTA
What?
TIM
Never mind. Not Zackery though. Quentin doesn’t like him. Vicky. We should grab Vicky.
CAPTAIN
So Konstantin, you & Natalia figure out a way to get those two down to the lake. We leave in the hour.
Quentin steps out of the shadows.
QUENTIN
Don’t bother. I’m here.
CAPTAIN
Check outside, this could be a trap.
TIM
I checked before entering. There’s no one out there.
MAGENTA
They boy’s correct. We’re alone.
CAPTAIN
Time to go! Get the boy on the boat. I’ll have my men stand watch on the shore.
TIM
You can’t! You promised.
CAPTAIN
Grow up and do as you’re told. We’re not out of this yet.
INT. EDGEWATER, QUENTIN'S BEDROOM - SAME TIME
Clive wakes.
CLIVE
One flash, one flash. Quentin, Quentin, get up, mate.
Clive gets out of bed, pulling on clothing as fast as he can.
CLIVE
That sneak is doing a runner tonight.
Clive realises Quentin’s bed it empty.
CLIVE
Damn it, Quentin.
Clive runs out the door.
INT. EDGEWATER, BLUEY'S BEDROOM - NEXT
Clive bursts into Bluey’s and Vicky’s room.
CLIVE
Get up. Quentin’s gone and I think Tim is doing a runner tonight.
Bluey and Vicky leap out of bed and quickly dress.
BLUEY
What are you thinking?
CLIVE
Tim added an extra single flash.
VICKY
So?
CLIVE
Why do that? It has to mean meet, it has too. I’m sure of it.
BLUEY
And you think Quentin’s gone to the tower?
CLIVE
If I just thought it, he probably thought of it an hour ago.
Vicky races out the door.
BLUEY.
Wait
VICKY
Get to the lake. I’ll get Zackery to wake up Unwin.
EXT. UNWIN’S COTTAGE - A LITTLE LATER
Zackery races up to Unwin’s cottage & pounds the door.
ZACKERY
Unwin, Unwin. Get up, get up.
The door open, Unwin & Mel are dressed in black.
ZACKERY
Madame White?
MEL
Focus.
ZACKERY
Right. No time to explain. Tim & Miss Magenta are leaving tonight.
MEL
(To Unwin)
You were right.
UNWIN
Sometimes I wish I wasn’t
ZACKERY
Quentin’s missing
MEL
What do you mean, Quentin’s missing?
ZACKERY
That’s all Vicky said and something about a sub in the lake. Which can’t be right, right. I mean, how’d it get there?
MEL
Go back to bed. We’ll handle this.
EXT. EDGEWATER, THE LAKE - NIGHT
Clive, Bluey, Zackery, & Vicky crouch within the darkness looking out over the lake.
VICKY
Where’s Unwin? You told him, right?
ZACKERY
He said, well Madame White said, they would handle it.
CLIVE
Madame White was there?
BLUEY
Guys, we’ve got to get on that sub.
CLIVE
The boat shed, come on.
EXT. THE BOATSHED - A FEW MOMENTS LATER
Clive, Vicky, Bluey, and Zackery are outside the boatshed. Bluey is picking the lock.
BLUEY.
Done. Quick.
CLIVE
Zackery, stay here. Rendezvous with Unwin, let him know where we are.
ZACKERY
Ok.
INT. BOATSHED - NEXT
Clive searches and picks up a small hand held blow torch.
INT. BOAT - A FEW MOMENTS LATER.
Bluey, Vicky, and Clive paddle the boat silently across the lake to the sub.
CLIVE
Bluey go, Vicky next, I’ll hold the boat steady then follow.
Bluey leaps into the sub and runs along to an open hatch, Vicky on her heels.
INT. SUBMARINE, HATCH - NEXT
Clive clambers down the ladder, then takes a small blow torch to the hinges.
INT. SUBMARINE GANGWAY- NEXT
Bluey leads the way, Vicky behind, with Clive catching them up. Bluey takes out a sailor with her karate moves.
VICKY
Nice
Sirens blare throughout the submarine.
BLUEY.
They’re getting ready to dive. We have to be quick.
VICKY
There’s a guard outside the door up ahead, that must be where they’re holding Quentin.
Bluey moves stealthily and takes out the guard.
INT. SUBMARINE,CABIN-NEXT.
Bluey and Vicky enter to find Quentin sitting on a bed.
BLUEY
Quentin, quick, we have to get out of here.
QUENTIN
You came? Why?
BLUEY
What do you mean why? We’re a team. and we’re your friends.
QUENTIN
Really. Not just following orders?
VICKY
What? Why are you asking that?
CLIVE
Guys, hurry up. I hear gunfire and the boat’s about to go under.
QUENTIN
I heard you. I heard you with Unwin. You’re not my friends. You were ordered to stay close to me.
CLIVE
What’s going on?
BLUEY
Quentin heard us talking to Unwin. He knows about our orders.
CLIVE
So, we got those months ago, before we even met you. We’re friends now.
VICKY
Guys? Shouldn’t the water be on the outside.
Everyone looks down. Water covers their feet and is rising.
CLIVE
Ah, that’s my fault.
VICKY
What did you do?
CLIVE
I might have messed with the hatch. Just a little.
VICKY
And now we’re sinking. Good job genius.
CLIVE
Hey, I figured some alarm would go off preventing them from going under.
INT. SUBMARINE, GANGWAY- NEXT
A huge wave of water runs down the gangway
INT. SUBMARINE, CABIN-NEXT.
The water floods the cabin, waist high on Quentin and his friends.
CLIVE
Perhaps we’d best discuss this another time
QUENTIN
(Panics)
I don’t know how to swim
VICKY
Oh great.
BLUEY.
Don’t worry. We do. We’ll get you out.
INT. SUBMARINE, GANGWAY-NEXT.
Quentin and his friends battle through the rising waters back to the hatch.
INT. SUBMARINE, GANGWAY-NEXT.
The water goes over their heads. Quentin panics. Vicky grabs his head, looks into his eyes until he calms. She points to the light shining down through the water. Quentin nods.
EXT. SUBMARINE - NEXT.
Clive, Bluey, and Vicky, help Quentin swim upwards to the surface.
EXT. EDGEWATER, LAKE - NEXT.
Breaking the surface, the night is lit by flares hanging in the sky. All around sailors are breaking the surface.
Tim and Miss Magenta break the surface.
MISS MAGENTA
This is all your fault.
TIM
Me? What did I do?
CLIVE
Come on. Let’s go this way.
Clive, Bluey, and Vicky, help Quentin swim to the edge and get out.
Mel rises up out of the water, dressed head to toe in a black wet suit, her MP5 sub machine gun slung over her shoulder.
MEL
You kids are going to have to learn how to obey orders you know.
EXT. EDGEWATER, THE LAKE, SHORELINE - LATER
Quentin stands on the shore, a towel wrapped around his shoulders. The Russian sailors are sitting together, guarded by Unwin’s guards.
Unwin approaches with Clive, Bluey, Vicky, & Mel.
UNWIN
Let’s go back to the cottage, have a drink & some cake.
QUENITN
All in all things are pretty good.
We broke the code, discovered the mystery of the flashing lights, found out the name of the mysterious man who chased me, found an undercover agent, a double agent in Miss Magenta & captured a submarine. A good haul for our first year at Edgewater.
CLIVE
You forgot to mention, foiling a double kidnapping.
VICKY
Where’s Zackery? He helped too.
QUENTIN
Zachery?
VICKY
He’s the one that brought Unwin and his men.
MEL
He went back to the school. He said thanks for including him though.
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